you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
