I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
