What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I didn't notice because vodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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