i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
