My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
