i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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