i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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