I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
