under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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