Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
