In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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