Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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