do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
