I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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