Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
