It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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