my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
