yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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