Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
