So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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