i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
