I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
