this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
