you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
