I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
