Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize