White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
