I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
