we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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