I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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