i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
