So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
