I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
