Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
