is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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