have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
