booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
