Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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