i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
