True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize