Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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