this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
