dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
