How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
