Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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