foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
