Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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