dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
