Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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