it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
