come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
