Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
