i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
