Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
