24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
