i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
