Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
