Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize