a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
