I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
