I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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