Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
