That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
