He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
