Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
