Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
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