So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
