hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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