Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
