im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
