you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
