There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
