My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
