After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
