im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
