My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
