I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
