do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
