i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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