I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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