Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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