Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
