He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i love accidental penises.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
