So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
