Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
