im gay
i know
yea but for you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
