So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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