went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
