the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
