Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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