They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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