i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
