its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
