1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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