if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
