i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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