at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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