Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
