At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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