he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
