i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
