Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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