he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
