would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
