I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize