Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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