i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
