I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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